Trauma victims need to be soothed, hear their emotions are normal

Val Farmer

Date Modified: 11/04/2009 3:09 PM

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We have all been touched by incomprehensible loss of life of friends, loved ones and relatives who die in a tragic accident or those who succumb to disease that came out of nowhere. These events are sudden, traumatic and life changing for those who survive.

Family, friends and colleagues come together to mourn their loss and to pay tribute to memories. A communal loss needs a communal response. It helps when others besides immediate family care enough to reach out and comfort the bereaved with their loss. Having others mourn their loss also recognizes and soothes the deep hurt of friends and family members.

The dictionary definition of soothe is to bring comfort, solace, reassurance, peace, composure and relief. Soothing has a long history. Mothers and fathers do this for their babies. A mother provides the protection a child needs when its own resources are exhausted. When her child is hyper-aroused and over-stimulated, a mother steps in to calm, soothe and lower arousal.

When this protection doesn't occur, a pattern of protest with an increase of adrenaline sets in. This is followed by despair after the adrenaline has been depleted. The same thing happens to a trauma victim.

The usual coping skills of a trauma victim are overwhelmed by an uncontrollable, terrible life event. During the protest phase, a trauma victim may experience panic, aggressiveness, irritability, nightmares and possibly an intrusive reliving of the trauma. The emotions are primitive, intense and overpowering. The victim feels helpless and incapacitated.

Once the stage of protest/despair is triggered by events that resemble the initial trauma, the emotional phases can be triggered by a victim's thoughts or an everyday occurrence. Victims often show all-or-nothing responses even to minor stress. To ward off anxiety, a trauma victim may try to seal their emotions and memories from their conscious awareness.

Trauma victims sometimes try to calm themselves by re-exposing themselves to trauma to release natural body opioids that have tranquilizing effects. More often, victims compulsively use illicit drugs, alcohol, eating or exercise to calm themselves.

Perhaps the most subtle and devastating effect isn't the original trauma but the lack of caring and support after a traumatic experience. Studies have shown that when a victim is left alone with a traumatic experience, without comfort and calming, the trauma isn't integrated into their experience and becomes injurious. Victims fail to moderate their emotions.

The current trauma may also trigger heightened stress reactions in victims who have unresolved abandonment or trauma issues from their past. They have already been traumatized and left alone. The current trauma brings back feelings of past hurts and abandonment.

The first step is to help the victim understand the physical and psychological after-effects of trauma. The effects need to be identified in the victim's own situation.

Helping the victim to know that their reactions are normal and expected helps him or her regain a sense of control and esteem. He or she also needs to be reminded of their history of effective coping and that the trauma they went through would overwhelm anybody.

Often victims feel they should be able to fix themselves. Trauma victims need to know that recovery isn't something they can do by themselves. They need someone to challenge their irrational beliefs about themselves, someone to support their healthy functioning and someone to be emotionally available.

As important as it is to know how to self-soothe, being soothed by others tells victims they belong, are cared for, and their loss is recognized. Here are some ways that soothing can be offered: Create an atmosphere that is calm and free of distractions; provide warm liquids -- not stimulants such as coffee; encourage exercise that releases natural body opioids; provide fluffy comforters, pillows, baths, showers and special foods; give something personal to help them feel less alone; relieve them of important responsibilities; touch, embrace or massage; and go out of your way to meet little needs.

Soothing is a priceless gift.

Thanks to psychologist Elise A. Brandi of Harvard University, for her ideas on the importance of soothing trauma victims.

For more information on death, loss and coping, visit Val Farmer's web site at www.valfarmer.com.